Wednesday, April 22, 2009

When life's a haze, pray it's just soft focus

Been working my asterisk off at a new job—for which I am, I hope you understand, just pathetically grateful—plus night classes, and a couple freelance assignments. Haven't been able to so much as draw a line for myself in well over a month. Doing graphics and making art is a difficult conflict. The work leaches out your creativity, and the long hours sap your energy. This is my first night off in weeks, and may be my last for months. Makes one crazy. Or maybe it's just sleep deprivation.

Here's how sleep deprived looks:
  • You get stupid. Knock 10 points off your normal IQ for every week you come up short. Yeah, I'm in trouble.
  • You make mistakes. Add time to every project to go back and fix the obvious thing you left out.
  • Bleary eyes, blurred vision. Not conducive to fine work.
  • Heavy limbs. Walking across the room is a chore.
  • Dizzy spells. Oh, joy.
  • Irritability. 'Nuff said.
  • Hunger—expect to pay for this at the waistline, because you aren't moving around much.
I'll be making art ... soon. I hope you haven't stopped [and I am checking on you]. Keep making marks, because if we were to blow this badly, it will be our finest legacy. But this is what happens when the world goes temporarily insane, and nobody seems to have more than a piece of the answer to our problems. There is hope ahead, I think, if we really learn our lessons, which some will and most won't—that's the way it always seems to go. Happy Earth Day. May we have many more.

Tell you what. I'll take a sketch book to work tomorrow, and I'll draw myself a line during a break. Assuming, of course, that I don't sleep through the break.


Karen said...

Edgar hang in there! Here is a thought: when I was working a job that sounds similar to yours, I made a series of 'tired drawings' where I would take my sketchbook to bed with me and sort of in an automatic way and maybe following my thoughts move my pencil around until I fell asleep. At least it felt good to make a mark on a paper.

You could post your single, daily lines, too...

Either which way, there will be time.

Barbara Muir said...

Hi Edgar,

I'm working long hours myself, and I know how rough it can be. Yes thank the universe for the work, and yes, take a sketchbook to work and draw a line. One line. Or maybe draw a line when you're on the phone, doodle.
Your description of fatigue and its ills is bang on. All in all sleep is essential -- more important even than A.R.T. So sleep, and keep writing; your blogger friends like your writing.

Take care,


Marian Fortunati said...

I've missed you Edgar, but I am glad you have a job... It helps if you want to eat and keep a roof over your head.
Hopefully at some point you will break out of the gloop.. (yes that must be a word... it sounds right) and you'll be making more than marks.

Be well.. eat something... sleep.... draw.... and oh yes... for all of us.... write!! (:o) )

Anonymous said...

Hi Edgar! I haven't had much time for art or blogging either. Despite all your complaints it sounds like you're happy to be employed. Congrats!

Edgar said...

Karen—Thanks for the suggestion. I did a 5 minute sketch, which I'll post when I can.

Barbara —I'm pretty much sleeping through the weekends, which helps come Mondays. There just isn't much time for the blog right now. And thanks for the compliment.

Marian— I've missed all of you, too.

Silvina— I like the work, and appreciate it more in light of my recent work history.